Forgiveness of yourself and others

I celebrate Yom Kippur but a little different then tradition. Most who celebrate spend time in Temple or in constant prayer. Some believe that prayer is the only way for forgiveness but I think good deeds trump prayer. I feel that GOD would rather you help someone else and create good energy then sit and say a prayer over and over. There are many people throughout history that did negative things and thought by going to Temple or church and saying prayers that they would be forgiven. While they may be forgiven, which always depends on the acts committed, I feel the best way to talk to GOD and the best way to get forgiveness is by doing good deeds everyday not just on holidays.

I fast all day long from the night before on Yom Kippur. I do brush my teeth and get ready for the day. Many times in the day I reflect on my sins and what I could have done different or better. I reflect on all my faults as a person and the learned behaviors from my life experience. I reflect from the outside in. I can see what needs to be evolved and this reflection helps keeps me focused on advancing my soul to make better choices in my life. One of the things I always reflect is about thinking before I act and speak. Sometimes I may say the wrong thing at the wrong time. This is something easy when you think about it but sometimes hard in the moment. Not too many people reflect on becoming better, they just focus on asking for forgiveness to what they had already done wrong.

If I was GOD, and for a minute pretend you are as well. Would you rather someone go to a place of worship and say sorry by repeating prayers or would you rather your child go out and help another child in need. If you are not doing good things in your life for others, how do you expect to advance as a good person? When you are doing good deeds every day you are counsciously in the light of GOD so it is that much harder to do something wrong. You have to live everyday like you were in Church or Temple. Live to help your brothers and sisters in need.

One of the biggest obstacles some of us have to endure is the forgiveness of others. This type of energy can stay for a lifetime. Regardless if that person is in your life any longer, forgiveness of that person and that act is crucial to your well-being. Me personally, I forgive people before they even do anything wrong. After the act, I forgive them instantly and never hold a grudge. I may choose to not have that person in my life any longer but I let that relationship dissolve with love. Forgiveness does not mean you are a sucker, it means you are strong enough to put your energy first and that your health and mind is the most important factor.

I have had many close relationships but if that line is crossed, that is the end. I know who I am as a person. The closest people know who I am as a person. Knowing that, if my line is crossed it mean they do not respect you in such a way, and once someone does it once, most likely it will happen again. Just like a spouse hitting another spouse. Once it happens, the pattern just begun. This does not make them a bad person for crossing the line, just means the time has come to release the relationship. People are in your life for seasons, reasons and lifetimes. When their message is delivered, the time will come to move on. Sometimes that time is delayed because of attachment and sometimes it is quick.

On a personal note, I had a huge miracle this holiday. I love to fish. I always wanted to catch a Cobia fish. It is one of the best fighting fish but also one of the tastiest. I have never caught one and have been trying for 10 years now. Today I caught one, a nice size about 20 pounds. When I was bringing it in, the line brook as soon as I was lifting it up in my backyard. I was devastated. Right at that point it was high tide and the best time for fishing. Also right at that point my wife called and asked me to bring her a change of clothes that was 20 minutes away. I felt frustration for a minute then realized it is all good. I know things happen for reasons as long as you are doing the right things in life. After I dropped off the clothes, I came back home to fish.

About 15 minutes in, my line said zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, I caught a big fish. After 20 minutes of fighting the fish, I reeled in not only a 40 pound Cobia but the biggest fish I ever caught. I was so happy and immediately reflected on my frustration after the fish fish. My time delay had to happen. I was using live fish so think about it. I had to throw the line in exactly at a certain time, the fish had to swim a certain path and the Cobia had to swim in a certain area. It all worked out just as it should be. So since I fasted all day, I got to break my fast with a miracle fish. It was delicious!!!!!!!!!

So the lesson of Yom Kippur and really in life itself is to do good deeds everyday, reflect on becoming a person soul everyday, talk with GOD everyday whether in conversation or prayer and forgive those who have wronged you and all the miracles with fill your life with happiness. May be all be filled with so much love that their is no room for any type of negativity. Namaste.

cobia pic

Robin Williams, suicide & demons


There are always two sides to every story but there is also two sides to every event. For every event there is a logical reason and a spiritual reason for the event. For example, if you run over a nail and get a flat tire, logically the nail caused the flat. Spiritually, the reasoning is the same but different. Yes the nail caused the flat but your Angels, GOD, Buddha or whatever you believe in caused the flat. What if down the road you were to get into an accident? This event that was caused by a logic but had a spiritual conclusion. You in that particular space and time had to be delayed. Most people get upset when they have a flat because they will be late to work or the fact that they have to pay money to fix a tire. But what if it really prevented you from an accident. Now instead of getting hurt, paying a $500 insurance deductible and being without a car, you are only 15 minutes late and it costs $10. When you compare the two, one is frustrating while the other is thankful. Now lets take a look at Robin Williams and the two sides.

First let me say that he is one of the best actors ever! His ability to jump into any character is purely a gift. I loved just about all his movies and his presence will surely be missed especially by his family and friends. To have an impact in society as he did with his generosity is his saving grace. Some people have posted online with compassion while others have called him a coward. I personally use to have the coward type of view until I almost committed suicide myself at different  points in my life. Yes, I have thought about it and took steps to end it, however I had Divine intervention and I fought to live. This is another post I will write later.

Robin Williams as reported was battling alcoholism and depression for some time now. He recently went into rehab over the summer. Rehab is only as good as the person wanting to truly be helped and following all the steps to FIGHT their addictions. If you do not follow the steps everyday until you conquer the addiction then you will fall back into the same place and most likely a worst place because you did not make it the previous time. By not making it, you self doubt yourself making yourself fell worse. This is the logical side of things, now lets look at why people say “fighting demons”.

We all have guardian angels, at least 7, however some people have thousands. Depending on your life’s purpose depends on what protection and strength you need. But man and woman were giving the greatest gift, FREE WILL. With free will, your angels may not be able to protect and save you all the time. Sometimes you ALLOW the demons to come in.

When someone has an addiction, whether to alcohol, drugs, sex and many more examples, they allow the addiction to control their behaviors. If anyone knows a drug addict, they always say “you are not who you use to be”. This is true. You see when you are addiction free, you are the personalities of all your angels combined. You share their energy and you are all one making up the soul that you have. It is all the same.

There are good angels and bad angels and also demons or negative spirits. The good ones of course always try to follow GOD’s path while the other ones are attracted to the negative side. Your angels are always trying to protect and guide you to your destined path in life, that is their job. But when you are addicted to something and now your choices and behaviors revolve around the addiction, you allow your circle of protection to be open. When you are open, this allows other things to come into your circle of angels, like a negative spirit or worse a demon.

So why are your guardian angels not strong enough to keep them out? Because YOU ALLOW them in through your addiction. You invite them in unknowingly, or now, knowingly. Your angels at this point are still trying to save you and thats why you always contemplate whether to do your addiction or not. Every addict knows its wrong but the addiction FEEDS the negative spirit or spirits. When they are fed, they grow stronger because you are feeding them your energy as well. In return your addiction becomes stronger.

Just because you are a super athlete like Junior Seau or famous actor like Robin Willimas and have all the money you will ever need, addiction does not escape you. In fact, it is usually worse because of the lime light and pressure. How many times do we see famous people have addictions? Usually the first response is how can they be so stupid with all that money? Life is life regardless of money and fame. We are all equal to having addictions whether it is in your dna or not.

People contemplate suicide for many reasons, everything from breakups, addictions, depression, mental illness and much more. Me personally, I felt left alone. There were periods in my life that I felt alone in this world with no love and it seemed everyone left me. Some people can have all the material things in this world and still feel alone. Some may have a huge network of family and friends but still feel alone. It is not up to us to judge but up to us to try and help save the 38,000 people annually who commit suicide. They are not cowards, they need help. Need help to see the gift of life and what they can still do with their life. They need their life’s purpose renewed.

Many religions believe that one who commits suicide, they go to hell. Others believe that they get a worse life and are reborn while others believe that they go to Heaven regardless. Robin William did many great things for charity and children in need. Personally, I think we all have to beat our demons in our life. When we do not graduate to our life’s purpose whether it is by suicide or just simply not choosing the right paths in life, we try again. Again and again until we beat what we need to. Then we move up in levels and have different purpose whether here on earth, as an angel or whatever else is available that we have no idea or comprehension of. Either way, regardless of purpose, spread the love instead of judgement and negativity.

Show where your heart really belongs, in the grace of GOD or whatever your belief is. Show the highest form of compassion. Show your dedication to humanity and helping those beat their demons. Show the true you, the loving you, the you that you would be proud to call you. Be the bigger stronger brother and sister to all the children of GOD. Namaste to all.

demons williams flowers williams peace williams rip robin williams star williams














2 faiths, 1 direction


This past weekend I experienced two forms of faith concerning the transition to Heaven. I attended a Jewish and Christian funeral that were both held on Friday. Both faiths had a different approach in reaching GOD’s light. Each one gave ultimate respect, honor and love. They also have uniques ways that deal with the grieving process.

The Jewish celebration was held in a Temple and then immediately followed by the burial service. This was a service for someone who was like a grandfather to me. I never had a chance to meet any of my grandfathers, so this awesome soul filled that void. He was 95 and 8 days shy of his 96th birthday. He just celebrated his 70th wedding anniversary and has his wife who is 93 and 4 children amongst numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren. They are all like family to me. I was happy for his gift of insight and time but my heart was still heavy.

The other service was a Christian service. My best friend’s brother went to Heaven at the age of 44. He had a wife and 4 children ranging in ages from 6 to 16. I met him a few times and could feel the love that this family had for everyone. He was an athlete growing up getting full scholarships to the top universities. His departure was unexpected and he will surely be missed. His viewing was on Friday night, following the Jewish service. The church service was on Saturday followed by the burial.

I was not prepared for all the emotions I would feel during these few days. Of course I know both these souls went to Heaven and they both are not feeling anything but GOD’s love and warmth but my heart was feeling so much emotional sadness. Not that I was sad but just wanting to cry. Crying is a powerful emotion and it is awesome to be in touch with. I do not hold back and allow what is natural to flow through me. I do not have to be tough or a warrior who blocks pain. I am a student of life who acts from his heart. If I am sad, I will let out my tears. If I am happy I will smile with love. If I get frustrated, I will do tai chi until I come back to my natural self. I am me. I am love.

In the Jewish service, it started out at the temple. The Rabbi gave a beautiful eulogy and proudly mentioned the life accomplishments he has done for the sport of fencing and the charity foundations he has started. It was a beautiful life that anyone would dream of having and he lived it all while helping others along the way. He fulfilled his destiny. A few friends and family came up and spoke some speaking for 20 minutes describing the miracles they shared with him. At the end of the service the Rabbi pulled out his iphone and played “My Way” by Frank Sinatra. The worlds fit him perfectly and everyone was in tears during the song. Most of the people there were older then 65.

I was in the last pew when they escorted the casket out to the procession. The family followed and stopped right in front of me while they were loading. I was able to hug them all and to give that feeling of love and strength to help ease some of the hurt and pain of loosing a family member.

Once we started driving, a huge storm blew in and felt like we were in a hurricane. The cemetery was 10 miles away so by the time we arrived, the sun was shining again. Ironic? 😉 Everyone lined up at the burial site and two guards of honor folded the flag and gave a full salute. As they played Taps, I thought about all those brave souls who served that never made it to 95. After a proper burial service, everyone used a shovel and placed dirt on top as the final farewell. The family is “sitting shiva”, a Jewish tradition that takes place for 3 days. This is your grieving process, a time to deal with all the hurt and emotions. A time to just be with yourself, emotions and memories all wrapped in GOD’s arms.

After I left the cemetery, I went to be with my best friend at the viewing. I did not know his brother well but I know my best friend need strength and love for loosing a brother. I lost a brother and I know the pain it brings. When a man knows another man is there just in spirit and energy, it brings a certain comfort a hug can not bring.

The viewing was at a funeral home so there was not anyone performing a religious ceremony or prayer. This viewing was for you to have time with your loved one and to be able to deal with the grief while in person and amongst friends and family. The constant traffic coming and going was immense. I was there for about an hour and had to see a couple hundred people. He had a smile on his face, literally. Either he went to Heaven with that smile or the funeral director played a part. I will stick with Heaven.

The next morning was the church service and burial. The church was not fancy and I did not feel out of place being the only caucasian. I grew up in the projects so I blend in where ever I go. I sat in the front, second pew next to my best friend, his wife and two beautiful children. I was also behind the wife and 4 children. The entire service I watched pain and hurt pour out that I wept with them. I wanted to sit with them and hug all of them but yesterday was the first time I met them. The only thing I could do was pray for them and send them loving energy to console their soul.

The casket is closed during the eulogy. Service here is wayyyyyyyy different then any other service I experienced. All is beautiful but they focused on feeling rather then prayers per se. This was a church that was loud, proud and happy to love GOD. Lots of praise the Lords and Amens. No formal prayers were said but singing with love and faith filled the church. They had a 12 year old boy playing drums to every word preached along with the songs on cds. I felt GOD in a different way. It was a feeling, a energy that was very strong and powerful to the soul. It moved you and if it didn’t, the person next to you singing and clapping would bump into you and move you.

Next they introduced a performer. I’m thinking a performer? Singer? I am confused and then I see walk up a beautiful woman dressed like an angel. They began playing this angelic song that talked about GOD giving us love and energy to make it through the tough times and how each one of us will be in his arms one day. While this played, the woman performed this beautiful dance that showcased the song. She was in essence doing tai chi to a song about GOD. It was beautiful!!

After a beautiful service I witnessed something that I personally would not want at my funeral. This is not a judgment because I have none, but just a personal preference. The casket has been closed during the entire service. The church has two sides, left and right pews. They opened the casket and places a veil over the front half. After turning it to the right side first, away from the family, that side, one by one came to visit one more time. As everyone walked past, they would walk by the wife and children giving condolences once again.

It came to our side and started from back to front. Being in the second pew I was feeling really nervous. I had to get up and face this emotional feeling again. I felt my eyes watering up just looking at the children. I thought if I released a few tears then I would be ok by the time I had to stand. Boy was I wrong.

Quickly wiping the love juice from my cheek I stood behind my best friend with my hand on his shoulder while he stared at his brother for the last time. Trying to be strong I pinched my leg to hold back the feeling and emotion. As soon as I turned away I was in a connection with the family that is hard to describe. No longer was I the only white guy standing in front of a church but I was a loving soul able to share love and light when it matters the most. I gave super strong tight hugs to the wife and each child. My hugs were long, probably a little too long but I made sure that even though they did not know me, it did not matter. I made sure they felt another child of GOD giving them love because they are also a child of GOD who was hurting.

After service I helped lift the casket into the hearse. Driving to the burial site was over 15 miles away and yes another storm during the ride only to open up at the site allowing the sun to shine. I was a little taken back by the service at the site. The funeral director who was at the church said a few words then handed out some roses to the woman. This service lasted 10 minutes max. She then said say your farewells and please go to your cars because there is another service that is coming. Ironically or ill managed, there was another funeral that was 20 feet away from this site. To tell someone to hurry after they buried someone is not the best decision in the situation but I did not hold judgment or say anything. Just noted in my brain to make sure at my funeral.

My experiences combined with the emotions taught me very valuable insights. I loved “feeling” GOD in the singing way even though my cat runs in the other room when I sing. GOD loves all of our voices. I loved the performance and thought of people doing tai chi at my funeral. The biggest lesson I was taught is to face your pain when someone is in need of your strength. I could have easily missed the latter funeral because of my own emotions but I love my best friend and I sucked it up so he could have an easier burden and hurt. I was strong for my brother who just lost his. I was hurt because he was hurt but I could use my energy to make him feel better just by being there. I learned to allow other roads to GOD in with open arms. Why not experience other faith and traditions?  Why not find more ways to love and worship GOD. What not include them if it makes your soul sing.

GOD loves all of his children no matter what language or religion they speak. GOD loves when his children help other children just like any parent would. GOD rewarded me with a best friend who has been my muse in so many areas. The least I could do is endure some pain and hurt so his soul could heal easier. Spread your love, your brothers and sisters are waiting 😉



There are no tests in life, only opportunities

There are no tests in life, only opportunities

There are no tests in life, only opportunities to evolve your soul. Life is not a pass or fail option but a field of opportunities and directions for your soul. You are the driver and although roads may be blocked or your car may break down, it is only an opportunity to see how far you will walk for your destiny.

I was raised Catholic and later found my Jewish roots so everything was based around guilt and fear. First I must fear GOD and feel guilty about not listening to my parents. These technique has been used throughout time just as giving all your money to the church before you die to abolish your sins. Well, hold onto your money and not your guilt. You should donate how you see fit and only let the love shine from your heart freely.

Growing up I use to see opportunities to do good deeds. I saw them as tests and if I didn’t do them, I would feel guilt and ultimately ask for forgiveness. The guilt factor is a TERRIBLE feeling to have and Thank goodness I will never use this technique on my loved ones. People also use guilt for their selfish wants and to manipulate as well. In any means, it is a feeling to coerce you into doing something. Why should I be forced to do something good. Why should I be forced to pray? Why should I be forced to be a good person? Why not give the tools to allow someone to feel their heart? Why not give them insight and let them experience the awesome energy of doing something good instead of feeling a relief from guilt? Why not use love instead of guilt and fear?

Everyone has their own interpretation of the bible and the meanings. Thats is all it is, other peoples opinions and insight for that time and place. We are way different then 2500 years ago. You needed fear back then because most things were in chaos. How many murders were committed in the name of GOD? How many are today? So we can not keep the same view if our lives are different. Our core values should never change but the rules of following should be adapted.

When I walk down the street and see someone needs help with a door, that is not a test. That is an opportunity to evolve my soul. GOD is not going to punish me for not helping, but their are karmic rewards for helping. The mind set of a test gives the guilt of not helping and even if you did, the feeling is not without relief. Now envision the same act but with fulfillment. You decided to help someone. You decided from your heart and not fear to help another soul not because your afraid but because they needed help and you wanted to from your heart.

Now think of a lifetime of fear and a lifetime of accepting opportunities, which one is more fulfilling. Both achieve the same good deeds but one is guilt free. I believe GOD loves us and only wants us to achieve our destiny. Every destiny is full of love, faith and miracles. Every destiny starts not with fear but love. Start with this love and let your soul shine. Keep your faith strong and know that GOD loves you for every good deed that you do. In all your good deeds come opportunities to evolve and get closer to the light.

My documentaries all started from helping someone change a tire. It was not guilt but concern for the other soul who needed help. That one moment in time changed me, my insight and faith for the better. I ended up making 5 more documentaries after that. I never knew I was going to make any documentaries at that point. I accepted the opportunity of a good deed and that act of energy was rewarded in so many ways.

Accept all your opportunities of good deeds. If you want more of them, just ask, but be careful because they will flood into your life. Never fear GOD. Only love GOD with every piece of your soul. Through loving GOD and accepting your opportunities, you will have a blissful destined path of life.